Dear Dave

wow... time is just flying by... I think I am almost pulling myself out of the rut.

Dear Dave,,,
I wish you were here to help me right now.... everything feels so messed up again. Of course Mike and I couldn't do it, couldn't make it work. I just could use your advice, would you tell me to move on or tell me to keep trying? I want to have a family so bad, but I also want to feel happy inside... I don't know what to do, communication is non existent right now. I haven't told anyone that we are broke up again. I don't want to be embarrassed. Then if it did end up working, I would feel real stupid. But I highly doubt that is going to happen. I think it not working this time, is really sealing the deal. Its finalizing it all, and we can never go backwards. I feel this terrible emptiness inside, even though I know this is the best way. The entire time we were trying, I knew in my heart that I didn't want to be together. Even though I had to try again just to see. I still feel empty and sad. This is just so confusing to me, if I knew inside that this is the way it should be, then why do I feel this way?
I don't know... I do know that I miss you and wish you could tell me what to do, just come visit me and keep me company.... I'm lonely...

Frustration

So, I entended on starting this blog to write my life story... but already I am confused and frustrated.... I think I have already mixed up houses... I mean, how can I help that if I moved over 20 times before the age of 18? ugh,,,, so since I feel the need to write about other things, I am pushing my story aside for now..... its not going anywhere....

I'm No SuperHero...

Although, I often feel as if I am....
I had a rough childhood,,,, from as far back as I can remember men have been abusing my mother... I dont know if its something she is attracted too, or if its just the cards that were dealt to her...? The one most valuable lesson I have learnt from my mother, is to never be like her... I love her, but to watch the crap she has allowed be done to herself is shameful.
I see the damages in my youngest brother... my other brother, being dead, I am sure would of had the effects also... Funny that I dont see within myself more problems...
maybe if I started looking in the mirror...
For the most part, I see myself as very normal... When I do look in the mirror, I see a strong woman, who has over come many many obstacles...